Top 5 God-Awful Small Talk Topics

I’ll start by saying it: I dislike small talk. I hate bad/cliche riddled small talk topics.

My daughter is trying to crawl right now. This is awesome and terrifying, it really swings violently between the two. She loves everything that is not a toy. Cords? Love em! Dirty cardboard box, gonna get some chewing in. A zipper on anything, that’s my new toy. My biggest challenge right now is keeping her away from things that will choke/strangle/suffocate her and just plain gross/dunno if that’s bad type stuff.

Also she is getting faster, her army crawl is being perfected. If her coordination improves just a bit I am completely SCREWED. Of course everyone gives me a cliché ”You’ll manage”, “You figure it out”, “You’ll just have to get faster” or some derivative followed by a fake grin and a hollow laugh that’s only there to alert me it was a joke. I grin and bear it, sometimes even throwing out my own fake small talk line. A little part of me dies inside every time.


Which brings me to…


The Top 5 God-Awful Small Talk Topics

(I love High Fidelity)


  1. When at a funeral

    “It’s part of the plan/in a better place/ was meant to be” No.

    small talk topics

  2. After You’ve Marriedsmall talk topics

    Usually if ANYONE sees you within a year of your wedding but they really have nothing to say ,“So…how’s marriage?” After getting married I purposely started making an effort to avoid using this one.

  3. Child on the wayadvice

    “Let me just give you some advice” Uh uh, I didn’t ask. Also, if you’re of a certain age this advice is almost certainly a wives tale or  worse- now proven dangerous.

  1. Do You Know..?

    Comparatively, I work at a large place with 1,500~ other people. “ Do you know Joe Blow?”work “ No, I don’t. It’s pretty big, lot’s of different work areas” tries to move on….. “Are you sure? He’s kind of a big deal” Trust me,I can assure you he really isn’t. In addition, yes I am sure I don’t know him.

  2. I know you don’t care about____ BUT…

NO! You stop right there! Because whatever meaningful or interesting conversation we were about to have is going to be cut short or avoided altogether. Due to : I am going to sidle out of this convo. Pandering is not needed, I can debate or have a conversation with back and forth.  This conversation isn’t that. This conversation propaganda is someone trying to explain why you should care/think like them/you need to know about something (that is not involved with you at all).small talk topics It’s certainly happening in a setting where I don’t want to deal with it, a small talk setting….think someone’s birthday/important milestone. If I know you hate guns, I’ll still talk to you. However, I am not going come over and open with “I know you don’t like guns but, this new Gun Freedom Act…”. It is rude at best, always uncomfortable and time wasting for sure.


Pick better small talk topics, for everyone’s sake.

Leave a Reply